Just for my writing-2

I translated a poem, but it was not so impressing and I need some revises.
Will you give me some advise?


Translated Lemon Aika by Kotaro Takamura.



『LEMON LAMENT』

You were waiting a lemon so much.

In the well-lighted, white and sad bed to die.


You bit the lemon which I'd brought for you with your lovely teeth.

The lemon made topaz smell.

The several drops of lemon from Heaven brought you around saddenly.

Your blue clear eyes showed your giggle.


Oh, What a healthy strength of your hand to grasp my hand.

Still you had a storm in your throat, at the last moment of her life, She comes around.

She comes back into former her.

And she devoted me her life long love in a moment.


And then,

You took a deep breath as you did in Santen in the old day.


And then,

Your organs stop working forever.


In the shade of Sakura arranged in front of the picture,

I will put a lemon which shines brightly today.